Today in Mike’s Character Vault we’ve got another whothefuckismydndcharacter.com entry: a daft, misguided halfling cleric that frequently tells parables that have nonsensical conclusions and no relevance to whatever is going on at the moment.

It should be noted that Cletus does not necessarily represent my opinions or views on halflings, clerics, any specific faiths, or religion in general–he is simply a comedic character I deeply enjoyed playing.

Priest Cletus Longtoe

Small humanoid, neutral good lightfoot halfling cleric (protection domain) 4 / warlock 1 (old one patron)
Armor Class 18 (chain mail and shield)
Hit Points 38 (5d8+10; 0 spent)
Speed 25 ft.

PROFICIENCY BONUS +3
Proficiencies Light armor, medium armor, heavy armor, shields, simple weapons
Saving Throws Wis +5, Cha +6
Skills History +2, Insight +5, Persuasion +6, Religion +2
Senses passive Perception 12, passive Investigation 9
Languages Common, Draconic, Halfling, Undercommon; telepathy 30 ft.

Brave. You have advantage on saving throws against being frightened.
Channel Divinity (1/short rest): Turn Undead or Radiant Defense. You can use your Channel Divinity to cloak your allies in radiant armor. As an action, you channel blessed energy into an ally that you can see within 30 feet of you. The first time that ally is hit by an attack within the next minute, the attacker takes radiant damage equal to 2d10 + your cleric level.

Halfling Nimbleness. You can move through the space of any creature that is of a size larger than yours.
Lucky. When you roll a 1 on the d20 for an attack roll, ability check, or saving throw, you can reroll the die and must use the new roll.
Naturally Stealthy. You can attempt to hide even when you are obscured only by a creature that is at least one size larger than you.
Shield of the Faithful. You gain the ability to hinder attacks intended for others. When a creature attacks a target other than you that is within 5 feet of you, you can use your reaction to impose disadvantage on the attack roll. To do so, you must be able to see both the attacker and the target. You interpose an arm, a shield, or some other part of yourself to try to throw the attack off target.
Spellcasting (long rests). Cletus is a 4th level divine spellcaster that uses Wisdom as his spellcasting attribute (spell save DC 13, spell attack +5). He knows the following spells:
Cantrips–guidance, light, sacred flame, thaumaturgy
1st (4 slots, 0 spent)–cure wounds, guiding bolt, healing word; compelled duel, protection from evil and good
2nd (3 slots, 0 spent)–prayer of healing, spiritual weapon; aid, protection from poison
Spellcasting (short rests). Cletus is a 1st level arcane spellcaster that uses Charisma as his spellcasting attribute (spell save DC 14, spell attack +6). He knows the following spells (and can spend Warlock spell slots on cleric spells):
Cantrips–eldritch blast, true strike
1st (2 slots, 0 spent)–charm person, dissonant whispers

ACTIONS
Mace. Melee Weapon Attack: +2 to hit, reach 5 ft., one target. Hit: 1d6-1 bludgeoning damage.
Light Crossbow. Ranged Weapon Attack: +3 to hit, range (80/320), one target. Hit: 1d8 piercing damage.

EQUIPMENT
a mace, chain mail, a light crossbow and 20 bolts, a priest’s pack, a shield, two holy symbols (one Jebus, one Ilmater), a prayer book (Jebus’ primary text, The Bibble), 5 sticks of incense, vestments, a set of common clothes, and a pouch containing 15 gp

FEAT: War Caster
Prerequisite: The ability to cast at least one spell
You have practiced casting spells in the midst of combat, learning techniques that grant you the following benefits:

• You have advantage on Constitution saving throws that you make to maintain your concentration on a spell when you take damage.
• You can perform the somatic components of spells even when you have weapons or a shield in one or both hands.
• When a hostile creature’s movement provokes an opportunity attack from you, you can use your reaction to cast a spell at the creature, rather than making an opportunity attack. The spell must have a casting time of 1 action and must target only that creature.

FEAT: Inspiring Leader (note the game had a bonus feat for 1st level PCs; drop as necessary)
You can spend 10 minutes inspiring your companions, shoring up their resolve to fight. When you do so, choose up to six friendly creatures (which can include yourself) within 30 feet of you who can see or hear you and who can understand you. Each creature can gain temporary hit points equal to your level + your Charisma modifier. A creature can’t gain temporary hit points from this feat again until it has finished a short or long rest.

BACKGROUND: Acolyte
Feature: Shelter of the Faithful. As an acolyte, you command the respect of those who share your faith, and you can perform the religious ceremonies of your deity. You and your adventuring companions can expect to receive free healing and care at a temple, shrine, or other established presence of your faith, though you must provide any material components needed for spells. Those who share your religion will support you (but only you) at a modest lifestyle. You might also have ties to a specific temple dedicated to your chosen deity or pantheon, and you have a residence there. This could be the temple where you used to serve, if you remain on good terms with it, or a temple where you have found a new home. While near your temple, you can call upon the priests for assistance, provided the assistance you ask for is not hazardous and you remain in good standing with your temple.

Character Information

• SENTIMENTAL HALFLING BARD FROM A SUPER RELIGIOUS UPBRINGING WHO WAS PETRIFIED FOR OVER TWO HUNDRED YEARS
• Worships Jebus, a saint of Ilmater who grants his protection to true followers that eat his body (crackers or pumpkin seeds) and drink his blood (wine).
• Constantly tells stories that make no sense and have no relevancy whatsoever (confuse classical myths and children tales but have them teach random lessons)
• The Foley Ghost (part of the Holy Triangle with Jebus and Ilmater)
• Spreads the gospel of prosperity
• The Bibble (Book of Murk, Book of Red, Book of Squideon, as-of-yet-unnamed-volume)
• Pumpkins are one of the sacraments in the religion of Jebus
• He does not know it, but it was a demon impersonating the Foley Ghost that offered Cletus greater power in exchange for proving his true devotion to Jebus Crisp. How long will he be torn between the two or will he ever learn of this deception?

Protection Domain Spells
Cleric Level Spells
1st compelled duel, protection from evil and good
3rd aid, protection from poison

Bonus Proficiency
When you choose the protection domain at 1st level, you gain proficiency with heavy armor.