WARNING

What follows are dark and twisted parodies of these characters. If you came here looking for a happy, honey-loving, bear and his friendly companions, you will be dissatisfied.

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Check out the last post for Winnie the Pooh, Piglet, and Tigger.

Abandoned by his friends and left with only vegetables to keep him company, Rabbit went quite mad. His penchant for magic tricks and communing with nature took on entirely new purposes as they became his obsessions. With the help of his talking plant friends he scoured the Hundred Acre Wood for its most potent secrets and exploited them all, gaining a small mastery over the arcane and nature while spreading corruption, death, and woe in his reckless wake. The ardent gardener has sewn doom for the entire region and in the face of this epic failure Rabbit has taken an authoritative stance, subjugating everyone he sees and conscripting them into service to stop the spread of the decay he’s unleashed in a futile pursuit of a redemption he will never know. 

(Rabbit illustration by zdrer456 on DeviantArt)

Rabbit

Small monstrosity, lawful evil
Armor Class 18 (mage armor)
Hit Points 55 (10d6+20)
Speed 45 ft.

STR	DEX	CON	INT	WIS	CHA
13 (+1)	20 (+5)	14 (+2)	18 (+4)	13 (+1)	9 (–1)

Saving Throws Wis +4
Skills Arcana +7, Nature +7, Survival +4
Damage Vulnerabilities fire
Damage Resistances force, psychic, thunder; bludgeoning
Senses passive Perception 11
Languages Common
Challenge 6 (2,300 XP)

Evasion. If Rabbit is subjected to an effect that allows him to make a Dexterity saving throw to take only half damage, he instead takes no damage if he succeeds on the saving throw, and only half damage if he fails.

Fast Feet. Rabbit ignores difficult terrain.

Keen Hearing and Smell. Rabbit has advantage on Wisdom (Perception) checks that rely on hearing or smell.

Madness. Rabbit constantly speaks to animals and plants that don’t understand him, often before enacting the magic required to make them able to talk at all. He has advantage on Wisdom and Charisma saving throws, but at the end of each minute he uses an action to whisper to or be whispered to by a vegetable or varmint.

Spellcasting. Rabbit is a 7th level spellcaster that uses Intelligence as his spellcasting ability (spell save DC 15; +7 to hit with spell attacks). He knows the following spells from the druid and wizard spell lists:

Cantrips: druidcraft, mage hand, prestidigitation, thorn whip
1st-level (4 slots): detect poison and disease, mage armor, speak with animals, thunderwave
2nd-level (3 slots): earthbind, locate animals or plants, suggestion
3rd-level (3 slots): bestow curse, plant growth, speak with plants
4th-level (1 slot): blight

 

ACTIONS

Kick. Melee Weapon Attack: +4 to hit, reach 5 ft., one target. Hit: 5 (1d8+1) bludgeoning damage and the target makes a DC 12 Strength saving throw or is knocked prone.

 

REACTIONS

Fast Kick. When moving away from a prone creature Rabbit can make an opportunity attack.

 

 

Perhaps the most disturbing direct victim of Rabbit’s ambitions is Eeyore. When Christopher Robin left, with Tigger gone and Pooh plummeting into darkness, the depressed donkey’s will to live finally faltered. Rabbit was the first to find his corpse and, his own demented fall already underway, did all that he could to revive his beloved friend—and succeeded, in a way. Though it speaks like Eeyore and seems to have his memories, what shambles around in his moldering skin is a disgusting entity dragged down from the cosmos, playing host within the cadaver. Little is known of his true intent, but for now “Eeyore” spreads maladies and virulence wherever he walks and he’s become something of a herald for what will soon come to pass in the Hundred Acre Wood.

(Jaw-dropping Eeyore illustration by Dennis Carlsson)

Eeyore

Small monstrosity, neutral evil
Armor Class 15 (natural armor)
Hit Points 102 (12d6+60)
Speed 30 ft.

STR	DEX	CON	INT	WIS	CHA
15 (+2)	9 (–1)	20 (+5)	12 (+1)	17 (+3)	7 (–2)

Saving Throws Int +4, Cha +1
Damage Resistances force, thunder; bludgeoning
Damage Immunities poison, psychic
Condition Immunities charmed, frightened, poisoned, stunned
Senses darkvision 120 ft., passive Perception 13
Languages Common
Challenge 6 (2,300 XP)

Aura of Fear. Humanoid creatures within 15 feet of Eeyore must succeed on a DC 14 Wisdom saving throw or become frightened for 1 minute. A creature can repeat the saving throw at the end of each of its turns, ending the effect on itself on a success. If a creature’s saving throw is successful or the effect ends for it, the creature is immune to Eeyore’s Aura of Fear for the next 24 hours.

Ill-Born. Eeyore is immune to the effects of diseases but is a carrier sickness. Instead of dealing poison damage to a creature he hits with his bite or claw attack, Eeyore can afflict the creature with a disease instead.

Innate Spellcasting. Eeyore’s innate spellcasting ability is Wisdom (spell save DC 14, +6 to hit with spell attacks). He can innately cast any necromancy spell of 3rd-level or lower, requiring no material components:

At will: chill touch, spare the dying, toll the dead
4/day: false life, inflict wounds, ray of sickness
3/day: blindness/deafness, gentle repose, ray of enfeeblement
2/day: animate dead, speak with dead, vampiric touch

Magic Resistance. Eeyore has advantage on saving throws against spells and other magical effects.

Regeneration. Eeyore regains 10 hit points at the start of his turn. If he takes radiant damage, this trait doesn’t function at the start of Eeyore’s next turn. He dies only if he starts his turn with 0 hit points and doesn’t regenerate.

 

ACTIONS

Multiattack. Eeyore casts a spell, then attacks once with his bite and once with his claws.

Bite. Melee Weapon Attack: +5 to hit, reach 5 ft., one target. Hit: 5 (1d6+2) piercing damage plus 7 (2d6) poison damage. The target’s hit point maximum is reduced by an amount equal to the poison damage taken. The reduction lasts until the target finishes a long rest. The target dies if this effect reduces its hit point maximum to 0. A humanoid slain in this way rises up as a zombie after 1 minute.

Claw. Melee Weapon Attack: +5 to hit, reach 5 ft., one target. Hit: 4 (1d4+2) slashing damage plus 5 (2d4) poison damage.

Carriers (Recharge 6). A pussing blister pops within Eeyore or on his skin and 1d4 homunculi (with the Ill-Born trait) appear in unoccupied adjacent squares.